Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Other Things That Would Be Cool to Bend

The Last Airbender, directed by M. Night Shymalan, hits theaters on July 1 and the trailers have, thus far, exceeded my expectations. Needless to say, the date is circled on my calendar and my kids and I are already making plans to shave our heads and paint them with blue, phosphorescent paint.
In anticipation of the big release, I got thinking what other stuff would be cool to bend. Bending fire or air or rocks is cool, of course, but they just strike me as sort of old-world. Here's my list of five things that would be awesome to bend:

5. People – It would be like having a voodoo doll for every single person on the planet. Imagine the possibilities, especially against people like bullies, bosses, politicians, and criminals.

4. Stocks – Change the stock market from unreliable to your personal ATM machine. Why trust Goldman Sachs (and who does?) when you can order your favorite S&P 500 companies to perform? Retirement in the Caymans is closer than ever.

3. Radiation – One word: microwave. Bad guys knocking at your door? Fry them from the inside like last night's leftovers. Alien invasion imminent? Send E.T. home with a nuclear blast. Feeling humanitarian? Destroy malignant tumors with carefully controlled microwaves.

2. Light – With control over light comes all kinds of cool powers. First, you could turn yourself invisible by bending light waves around your body. Second, you turn any light waves into a focused laser beam. Third, you would have the ability to alter your appearance at any time.

1. Gravity – Why would this be the best bending power of all? Only because gravity can manipulate the very fabric of space-time. Open wormholes. Destroy your enemies with mini-blackholes. Travel across the expanse of space in seconds. Tear apart the solar system or create a planet. Gravity-bending is where it's at.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Join the conversation! I'm always interested in hearing what visitors have to say.